time for some dramatalk again.

I'm done.

With myself and mostly with the person I am right now. I just wish I was someone else, maybe more normal, maybe less into fashion and more into going to school and girls. Maybe I could find someone who would be able to love me back and we could be together forever, that would be nice. Or just maybe I could just watch some soccer on television or play football and actually like it.

Maybe I would wear sneakers and go to the gym. Read more books instead of fashion magazines and spend my money on going to some sunny places instead of big cities to run around for fashion again.

If I wasn't me, but that other person, I wouldn't listen to Grace Jones or Hermans Hermits or watch bad highschool movies. I would be the one who was more impulsive, likes the mainstream shit a little more than I already do, run to the cinema for a new racing-cars-being-ruff-and-hurting-people movie when it's out and have a rolemodel like some rapper or who-ever-else.

Or maybe I would be a nurdy one, who likes sitting at home and read all day. Maybe I would actually like computergames andfor once not give a damn about fashion at all. Drink lots of coffee, zip more alcohol and try drugs for a change.

Or maybe, just maybe maybe. I would be someone who not gives a damn about anything and moves to Asia, sleeps in hostels and meet amazing new people. I think I could be that person. Without peeking into the Indian Vogue when seeing it or wanna go to Tokyo.

I don't know. All I know I feel like shit. I'm not happy and I miss you and and pff. I have so much on in beyond my mind, so much to offer and I know I have talent and skills, but isn't there any magazine who can let me just be me. Let me do where I'm good at and respect that.

Maybe I should just leave fashion for a little while.. maybe I should a lot of things. I'm confused. I just want the simple things, like love. Someone who can actually see me. Me me. And a nice place to live. My own place. And ofcourse a job so nice I could work all day, any day and work with everyone I would like. Bringing people together and create that perfect edge between whats there and what isn't and probably I would still want the unreachable, which gives this another edge, yet again.

Oh well, maybe it's best I'm just me. Because afterall, I'm pretty happy with me and a little prood at times too. Plus, my life isn't bad at all, I'm having the best family and friends I could ever wish for. But I'm guessing theres always more to reach out for. And it simply sucks that things take time. Mostly while others seem to have or find them straight away.

Time will tell, like always, so for now the last tear tonight and a little more attitude tomorrow. Indeed.